Nothing left to lose
by The God Wars
Summary: Well its finally done! fully revised! and if u have no idea what im talking about i hate u --. As u all kno i hate to tell u what the story is about on the 'summery thing' so just read it and review it . oh yea this deals with teen suicide so u have been


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Nothing Left to lose…

**Authors notes**  
  
This is my first attempt at a dark fic and yes it's short; very short. (As usual. -_-;)  
OK, this fic does have some swearing in it and deals with teen suicide. The story is based on my own experience, (except I didn't actually *die* obviously), so if it resembles anything in *your* *cough* pathetic *cough* life, then it's a coincidence! Plus if any of this stuff bothers you or whatever, now's your chance to leave. You've been warned.  
This takes place after 3rd Impact and the children are about 17.  
  
Disclaimer: 'Insert standard disclaimer here'…haha ok I don't own any of these characters, they belong to my heroes at Gainix and I don't profit at all from this story; and I wouldn't if it was published either! -_-;  
  
All right then, I'm done my rambling so read the fic!  
  
  
  
Nothing left to lose  
  
  
Why should I stay here? All I get is pain ever since she died…  
  
Shinji Ikari, designated pilot of Unit 01 sat in an abandoned tennis court which was on the edge of an equally abandoned highway. He held a razor sharp blade, clutching it tightly in his hand.  
  
I killed all the goddamned angels! But she still died!  
"Asuka…" whispered Shinji.  
I even stopped third impact so we could live together but - she- she died…  
  
**Flashback to Asuka's death**  
  
"Wallet and keys!" sneered a gruff voice in the dark.  
"What the fuck!? Who the hell are you?!" screamed Asuka's surprised and angry voice.  
"Shut the fuck up!" yelled the thief who came out of the shadows enough for the children to see that he held a gun.  
"Asuka! You should give him what he wants…" raved Shinji frantically.  
"What?! Hey, do you know who we are?" She fumed indignantly.  
"I said, (shit!) shut the FUCK up!"  
Bang!  
Thud!  
"Noooooo! Asuka!! Help!! Somebody help!! Asuka…!"  
  
**end flashback**  
  
The sun was starting to set and everything was bathed in a crimson light.  
The young teen started crying as he looked at a picture of the second child, Asuka Langley.  
  
I loved her and she loved me! Why did I have to let her die?! Fuck! I'm useless! Just a wimp… I didn't even deserve her but she didn't care…  
  
Shinji squeezed the razor's blade so tightly, his hand bled, but he didn't care. His tears fell down his face and splashed on the smooth surface of the blade. Or was it rain? No. It was Shinji's tears. Lights were flickering on in the apartments just behind the tennis court, giving everything an eerie glow. But Shinji didn't care; he was far to deep into his depression for him to notice anyone or anything.  
  
Fucking hell! All I'm good for is hurting others and myself… God. Fuck God! You're supposed to look after your children, but you hate me! Just like everyone else does.... Otherwise, why would you take Asuka from me? Fuck!! I hate this place… this world…I hate everything…  
  
He cried harder. It began to rain like nature was trying to mimic the poor boy's mood.  
  
I screwed up and Asuka lost her life… I should just end it all. That way, maybe ... maybe... I can see her again…?  
At least I won't be hurting anyone else… and maybe I'll get to see her again.   
  
Shinji smiled in an eerily lunatic fashion as he sliced first his left wrist than his right. The pain didn't even cause him to wince. He just smiled dumbly and looked up.  
"Here I come, Asuka, my love…" Shinji whispered with the last of his strength.   
His blood began to soak the concrete -- mixing with the rain then seeping into the crevices only to be washed away further by the storm of time..  
  
Here I come… I love you, Asuka…!  
  
** Meanwhile at the Kastsuragi residence**  
  
"I'm home!" called Misato as she entered her home after a long day at work, "Shinji?"  
Then, something on the table caught her eye. A note was addressed to her. (Hey, what's this?) Misato picked up a note and read…  
  
Dear Misato,  
  
I'm sorry for what I'm going to do. I won't be seeing you anymore and it's not because I don't want to. I just couldn't take it anymore. When Asuka died, I died inside. Tell everyone that I'm glad I got to know some of them and I'm sorry I didn't get to know all of them. You were like a mother to me and I love you like a son should, but I'm tired of my life. So this is goodbye, Misato. I'm sorry it has come to this.  
  
With everlasting love and pained regret,  
  
Shinji Ikari.  
  
"Dear God!" It's a suicide note, fuck! Misato ran to the phone and dialed 911 "Hello? Yes we have a problem!". After hanging up; she broke down and cried against the kitchen table for a long, long time.  
An ambulance found Shinji and got him to the hospital. Misato cried all the way there as she drove to the hospital as fast as she could.  
Shinji Ikari died in the hospital that night and still he had the same warm smile on his face… For once he looked truly happy....  
  
Shinji Ikari's funeral was attended by all of NERV including the commander, although he did not stay long. Misato was an emotional wreck for the whole funeral, and even Ritsuko was truthfully mournful. Rei even cried her heart out while they lowered the casket. She was just beginning to show her emotions when Shinji had died.  
  
Two months later, Rei was back to her emotionless self --hiding away her emotions as a shield to protect herself from pain-- and Misato, unable to cope with the loss of her surrogate son, committed suicide. They found her car in the bottom of a ravine beside a road. Her blood tests confirmed a large quantity of alcohol was consumed right before the 'accident'. Most interestingly, still crumpled in her hand as her mangled body was heaved up from the wreck was a photograph of Shinji Ikari. Alas, they'd failed each other.  
  
**END**  
  
Author's notes  
Well I hope you liked that fic and many thanks to The Double Sided Card And Roland Deschain, The Last Gunslinger for pre-reading, editing, and helping me through my troubled times.  
Ok now for my moral…. SUICIDE IS BAD!!!!!!!!!!!! Don't do it, hell don't even think about it! Horrible it is horrible! Ok done that well c-ya!


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